Sunday, September 2

UH Warriors' Season Opener

The University of Hawaii’s opening game tonight against division 1-AA opponent University of Northern Colorado featured some of the most disgruntled fans I’ve ever seen at a 63-6 blowout victory.

If you’re at all familiar with the University of Hawaii Warriors, or “da UH Warriors” as they’re affectionately known to the island folk, then you already know blowout victories are nothing new to one of the most potent offenses in collegiate history or the Heisman hopeful taking snaps under center. Tonight, quarterback Colt Brennan began his campaign for the most coveted award in college football by firing off six touchdown passes and over four hundred yards through the air -- all in the first half.

And yet even with the clinic taking place on the field, my fellow Warrior fans found reasons to complain.

“Oh brah, coach is stupid. He gotta work on the running game. Next time we play good opponents and they watch for the pass, what we do then? We need da running game set up now!”

Ah, my poor, grammar-challenged friend. Obviously your understanding of UH football is as tenuous as your relationship with the English language. Traditional football principles tell us that the run sets up the pass, but the UH system is not traditional. There’s a reason coach June Jones didn’t call a running play until the fourth quarter and it’s the same reason why UH won’t rely on the running game against more formidable opponents. The UH dump pass, in addition to other quick pass routes, are the equivalent of a running game, and also make traditional running plays that much more unexpected and effective when they are finally called.


On a lighter note, I enjoyed a wonderful pee at halftime made only slightly less delightful for the fifty other men trying to mess with my aim. There’s something to be said about peeing into troughs. I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure something should be said about it.

Another footnote to tonight’s game was my seeing the Nancy Kerrigan of college football, University of Northern Colorado kicker Rafael Mendoza. Mitch Cozad, the Tonya Harding in this analogy, stabbed the starting punter (Mendoza) last season in a go-getting, albeit stupid, attempt at moving up the depth chart. Needless to say he was kicked off the team, suspended from school, and didn’t get to start after all. Perhaps he has a future in boxing.

All in all, it was a good start for the Warriors.


ian said...

Ya know, I went to Northern Colorado.

Couldn't care less about the football team though. The stabbing thing was pretty amusing though. The prosecution tried to go for attempted murder. I don't think the jury deliberated for a day before convicting him of assault and nothing worse. Although he may have been found guilty of being and exceptional dumbass.


Sadie said...

I hope you yelled "Go to Hell Ole Miss" like you said you would. ;)

Matt said...

ian - You guys went to the same school? That's cool. Now please put down the knife, man.

sadie - I did. In my head.

日月神教-任我行 said...