Holiday Wishes

Because it's overdue, and I'm supposed to be writing applications right now, I'm going to offer some Holiday Wishes for my favorite teams.

To the Lakers: Please get Andrew Bynum to play consistently this season and find out what the hell happened to Luke Walton. He used to be a a sixth-man-of-the-year-caliber player. Tonight's loss to the Warriors notwithstanding, the Lakers suddenly appear to have the depth and chemistry to make a serious playoff run this year. I certainly didn't see this coming and it's a long, long season (as the Lakers also learned last year) so my hope isn't ready to flare up too much.

To the Niners: Please forfeit all of your games. Okay, I'm overreacting. The season is already a wash and the previously unthinkable position of Mike Nolan's buns on the hot seat is very much a reality. Remember when Jeff Garcia was leading the Niners to the playoffs every year? Sure, everybody expected the 49ers to flare out at any time, but at least we SCORED SOME POINTS. I mean for ourselves. God, this team makes me sad.

To the UH Warriors: Please beat Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. Colt Brennan and the Warriors have performed as well as the Niners have sucked, which is to say "a lot." However, the only way the Warriors will earn any kind of respect is by winning -- or at least playing a close game against -- Georgia. If Hawaii wins, and it's no guarantee because this will be a tight game, then the BCS looks even more stupid. As if that were possible.

To Major League Baseball: Take the advice from the Mitchell Report. I'm personally tired of hearing about the steroid and drug scandals supposedly running rampant in the sport. I don't know for certain one way or another who is taking what, but nothing is going to get resolved without a little acceptance and understanding. I say Bud Selig should give everyone a free pass, work with the union to institute a reasonable testing and penalty system, and go from there.

To Michael Vick: Please learn your lesson.

To Kobe Bryant: Please heal your groin.

To Everyone else: Happy Holidays and don't get sick if you can help it. It sucks.