It's halfway through the 49er-Seahawks game as I write this. Quarterback Alex Smith is out, RB Gore has developed a severe case of fumblitis and I can't remember the last time guarded optimism has so quickly turned into salty tears of sadness. Nate Clements and the defense have looked dominant at times but I can't blame them for easing up when the offense has curled up in the fetal position.
Elsewhere around the league, old man Favre continues to get things done. I "discovered" Favre back in '95 when I played my first season of fantasy football. While on his way to an MVP season he carried my team, The Homicidal Monkeys, to a second place finish. No matter how decrepit Favre gets, he'll always have a place in my heart.
The Bears lost a close game when their onside kick was returned for a touchdown. Sucks to be the Bears.
Oakland erupted with a 35-17 victory over Miami. Culpepper threw for two touchdowns and ran for three more. All five guys who started him must be quite pleased with themselves. Miami may also suck (0-4 season record), but at least Ronnie Brown did well for the second straight week. Way to turn one team's misery into my personal gain, fantasy football.
And a quick mention of the UH Warriors, winners despite Brennan's 5 -- Five! -- interceptions. By virtue of not losing they're moving up the rankings (or down, or whatever) but they have yet to face a true quality opponent.
Speaking of quality, or more accurately a lack thereof, is the UH commentator Jim Leahy. Jim is without a doubt the worst commentator I have ever heard. It's worth listening to him just to hear how awful he is. Here are some of his gems from last night's game (slightly paraphrased because they make no sense).
"That play quintessentially was Colt Brennan."
"The runningback showed a burst of speed until the defense diagnosed him.
"The running back cut to the left and probed the secondary."
And these comments are from the first quarter alone, before my good taste prevented me from watching any more (it was a tape delayed replay). Leahy manages to combine the hyperbole and mannerisms of James Lipton (from Inside the actor's studio) with the grammatical sense of an illiterate monkey. The only way I think he's managed to stay on the air for so many years is by overwhelming Hawaii viewers with big words that he butchers without mercy.
How bad is Leahy at commentary? As bad as San Fran is playing football this afternoon. Yeah. Ouch.
Please share your football gripes with me. It'll make me smile to know that my misery has company.
Sunday, September 30
Wednesday, September 26
Laker Trade Rumors: or Why my favorite team likes to play with my emotions
My dearly loved Lakers are in a position to make a big-time trade this off-season. Again.
This time the potential Laker-to-be is Sun’s forward Shawn Marion. Marion is a certified star with 20-10 skills and the ability to leap over small buildings.
After eight productive years in the desert, Marion apparently wants his fair share of the pie – very understandable since heralded teammates Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire are big enough stars to keep even Rosie O’Donnell from stuffing her face with apple cobbler. Marion and Kobe also have a friendly relationship and, more importantly, Los Angeles has a bigger pie than Phoenix.
The logical trade offer would be a straight up Lamar Odom for Marion deal. According to an ESPN report, their salaries are close enough and Odom has similar star ability.
Which raises the question, why would Marion succeed where Odom has failed?
To be fair, it’s not entirely Odom’s fault the Lakers haven’t won a championship during his three years with the team. No reliable big man, lackluster teamwork and shoddy defense are the responsibilities of the entire organization rather than just one player. But as good as Marion is, is he that much better than Odom?
Both players are versatile forwards who can score and rebound. Both players are in their prime (Odom will be 28 in November, Marion recently turned 29). Odom is the superior playmaker while Marion is less apt to disappear. And despite his ugly shot, Marion is the better three-point shooter and all around marksman. But put their stats side by side and it’s basically a wash.
Kobe Bryant and the Lakers made huge waves this summer with rumored involvement in trades featuring Kevin Garnett. That kind of trade would have made an immediate, noticeable improvement in the Laker’s championship aspirations. As good as Marion is, he is no Kevin Garnett and therefore his addition won’t help Kobe and Co. get any closer to hoisting the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of the year.
This time the potential Laker-to-be is Sun’s forward Shawn Marion. Marion is a certified star with 20-10 skills and the ability to leap over small buildings.
After eight productive years in the desert, Marion apparently wants his fair share of the pie – very understandable since heralded teammates Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire are big enough stars to keep even Rosie O’Donnell from stuffing her face with apple cobbler. Marion and Kobe also have a friendly relationship and, more importantly, Los Angeles has a bigger pie than Phoenix.
The logical trade offer would be a straight up Lamar Odom for Marion deal. According to an ESPN report, their salaries are close enough and Odom has similar star ability.
Which raises the question, why would Marion succeed where Odom has failed?
To be fair, it’s not entirely Odom’s fault the Lakers haven’t won a championship during his three years with the team. No reliable big man, lackluster teamwork and shoddy defense are the responsibilities of the entire organization rather than just one player. But as good as Marion is, is he that much better than Odom?
Both players are versatile forwards who can score and rebound. Both players are in their prime (Odom will be 28 in November, Marion recently turned 29). Odom is the superior playmaker while Marion is less apt to disappear. And despite his ugly shot, Marion is the better three-point shooter and all around marksman. But put their stats side by side and it’s basically a wash.
Kobe Bryant and the Lakers made huge waves this summer with rumored involvement in trades featuring Kevin Garnett. That kind of trade would have made an immediate, noticeable improvement in the Laker’s championship aspirations. As good as Marion is, he is no Kevin Garnett and therefore his addition won’t help Kobe and Co. get any closer to hoisting the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of the year.
Monday, September 24
Football Recap Week 3
Ahh, the pain of fantasy football. My four teams were on their way to a third undefeated week, when Drew Brees decided to make Keith Bullock an honorary member of the Saints’ receiving corps, never mind the fact that he already plays for the Titans. So four picks and a fumble later and I suffer the first loss of my fantasy season.
Another painful loss came from my beloved Forty-Niners who dropped one against the resurgent Pittsburgh Steelers. “Fast” Willie Parker (one of the worst nicknames ever) helped one of my fantasy teams to victory while simultaneously running the Niners into the ground. From what I've heard (I had to work during the game), the boys in red and gold were simply over-matched by a Goliath quarterback and an overwhelming defense. And what is the problem with Frank Gore? Obviously he’s not going to sneak up on anybody this year, but this kind of drop off is disconcerting. The Niners are going to have to open up their playbooks and take some of the pressure off Gore or their offense is never going to start rolling.
The lone bright spots in this week’s football recap (aside from my three other fantasy victories), were wins from UCLA and the UH Warriors. Despite prevailing over Washington, I’ve kind of written the UCLA season off since they’ve already proven to me that they’re not going to compete for anything big this year. It might even be better if they sink fast, get a new coach, and get moving in a new direction.
UH hasn’t let me down yet even though Heisman hopeful quarterback Colt Brennan sat out Saturday’s 66-10 win over Charleston Southern. Backup Tyler Graunke struggled early, but the Warrior’s special teams and defense held the Buccaneer’s to zero points in the second half to seal up the victory. Colt’s absence was a disappointment but it was reassuring to see the Warrior’s defense get things done. Next up, Idaho.
Getting back to Fantasy Football, I’d like to hear what everyone’s team names are. Team names are always a fun way to show some creativity and I think I picked some solid ones this year: The Spanish Inquisition, The Dog Whisperers, Bringin’ Sexy Back, Bringin’ Hairy Back.
What are your team names?
Another painful loss came from my beloved Forty-Niners who dropped one against the resurgent Pittsburgh Steelers. “Fast” Willie Parker (one of the worst nicknames ever) helped one of my fantasy teams to victory while simultaneously running the Niners into the ground. From what I've heard (I had to work during the game), the boys in red and gold were simply over-matched by a Goliath quarterback and an overwhelming defense. And what is the problem with Frank Gore? Obviously he’s not going to sneak up on anybody this year, but this kind of drop off is disconcerting. The Niners are going to have to open up their playbooks and take some of the pressure off Gore or their offense is never going to start rolling.
The lone bright spots in this week’s football recap (aside from my three other fantasy victories), were wins from UCLA and the UH Warriors. Despite prevailing over Washington, I’ve kind of written the UCLA season off since they’ve already proven to me that they’re not going to compete for anything big this year. It might even be better if they sink fast, get a new coach, and get moving in a new direction.
UH hasn’t let me down yet even though Heisman hopeful quarterback Colt Brennan sat out Saturday’s 66-10 win over Charleston Southern. Backup Tyler Graunke struggled early, but the Warrior’s special teams and defense held the Buccaneer’s to zero points in the second half to seal up the victory. Colt’s absence was a disappointment but it was reassuring to see the Warrior’s defense get things done. Next up, Idaho.
Getting back to Fantasy Football, I’d like to hear what everyone’s team names are. Team names are always a fun way to show some creativity and I think I picked some solid ones this year: The Spanish Inquisition, The Dog Whisperers, Bringin’ Sexy Back, Bringin’ Hairy Back.
What are your team names?
Friday, September 21
Football Recap Week 2
It’s almost the third week of the NFL season and I’m happier than I have any right to be. The Niners are 2-0, though some late game heroics were necessary to pull out a victory against St. Louis last week. I still remember the awful, awful problems we had against the Rams in the last several years so even a squeaky close victory smells like napalm to me. I’m not sure if Alex Smith is anywhere near turning the corner and becoming a productive starting quarterback in the league, but at least he’s not blowing games. And thank you, thank you Niners for improving your defense. I could kiss you Mike Nolan.
In other news, my four fantasy teams have done the semi-impossible by going undefeated. It’s still early, and technically I have one tie against my dad but please don’t pee on my parade. What’s my secret, you may ask? Automated drafts. I also didn’t alter a single draft ranking. Technically I couldn’t make any of my drafts so using automated lists wasn’t exactly my choice, but my computer has proven a better drafter than me. Yes, I realize how depressing this is.
Speaking of depressing, UCLA is done for the season and it’s now only a matter of time before coach Dorrell gets axed. UCLA’s earlier success simply masked a flawed system that has now been exposed. Don’t ask me what’s wrong but I know broke when I see it and UCLA done and went broke.
The UH Warriors are still putting up crazy numbers and I’m looking forward to seeing those numbers pile up before my eyes when they play Charleston Southern this Saturday. Yeah, I don’t know who they are either but that just means it’s going to be an entertaining display of offensive firepower. The real battles will be later in the season when they face Boise State and Washington. Hopefully the Warriors will still be in the rankings at that time and get the national recognition they need for a BCS bid.
How are your teams doing?
In other news, my four fantasy teams have done the semi-impossible by going undefeated. It’s still early, and technically I have one tie against my dad but please don’t pee on my parade. What’s my secret, you may ask? Automated drafts. I also didn’t alter a single draft ranking. Technically I couldn’t make any of my drafts so using automated lists wasn’t exactly my choice, but my computer has proven a better drafter than me. Yes, I realize how depressing this is.
Speaking of depressing, UCLA is done for the season and it’s now only a matter of time before coach Dorrell gets axed. UCLA’s earlier success simply masked a flawed system that has now been exposed. Don’t ask me what’s wrong but I know broke when I see it and UCLA done and went broke.
The UH Warriors are still putting up crazy numbers and I’m looking forward to seeing those numbers pile up before my eyes when they play Charleston Southern this Saturday. Yeah, I don’t know who they are either but that just means it’s going to be an entertaining display of offensive firepower. The real battles will be later in the season when they face Boise State and Washington. Hopefully the Warriors will still be in the rankings at that time and get the national recognition they need for a BCS bid.
How are your teams doing?
Wednesday, September 12
Football Recap
There are four football teams that I regularly follow. In descending order of importance, they are 1) San Francisco 49ers, 2) University of Hawaii Warriors, 3) My Fantasy Football Teams (yes, this is compelling evidence that I am nerdish), and 4) UCLA. Since graduating, my alma mater has sucked and has therefore not earned a spot on this list.
I’ll briefly break down each team’s game this past week.
49ers over Cardinals – This Monday Night Football game was derided as paper bag-over-the-head ugly, but I enjoyed the frequent displays of defensive prowess, especially when they forced Matt Leinart to run like a drunken, 3 legged dog. It was also nice to see the Niners show noticeable improvement (at least on one side of the field) in their first game of the season. Now if only their new offensive coordinator could grow some cajones.
UH Warriors over Louisiana Tech – Great fan that I am, I actually slept through the radio broadcast of this game. When I conked out, the Warriors were ahead 21 – 14. When the dust finally cleared, the Warriors had barely eked out a victory 45 - 44 in overtime. Whew. Colt and company still put up some crazy numbers, but victories will do as much for his Heisman campaign as anything so hopefully the Warrior’s pass protection and defensive intensity will step up in the coming weeks.
My Fantasy Teams – I now have four – 4! – fantasy football teams. If an NFL player scores a touchdown, chances are at least one of my teams is benefiting and another team is suffering. Three of my teams were active this week and I straight up won 2 of my match ups with the third game (against my dad) ending in a tie. He’s going to be insufferable until I beat him.
UCLA over BYU – Another game I napped through. UCLA’s defense was dominant in the first half and, feeling comforted by defense end Bruce Davis’ incredible performance, I figured it was safe for me to take a catnap. I was right, but only barely as UCLA struggled once again with inconsistent production. Coach Karl Dorrell was fortunate his defense bailed him out during this game.
Not a bad week in football. How did your teams do?
I’ll briefly break down each team’s game this past week.
49ers over Cardinals – This Monday Night Football game was derided as paper bag-over-the-head ugly, but I enjoyed the frequent displays of defensive prowess, especially when they forced Matt Leinart to run like a drunken, 3 legged dog. It was also nice to see the Niners show noticeable improvement (at least on one side of the field) in their first game of the season. Now if only their new offensive coordinator could grow some cajones.
UH Warriors over Louisiana Tech – Great fan that I am, I actually slept through the radio broadcast of this game. When I conked out, the Warriors were ahead 21 – 14. When the dust finally cleared, the Warriors had barely eked out a victory 45 - 44 in overtime. Whew. Colt and company still put up some crazy numbers, but victories will do as much for his Heisman campaign as anything so hopefully the Warrior’s pass protection and defensive intensity will step up in the coming weeks.
My Fantasy Teams – I now have four – 4! – fantasy football teams. If an NFL player scores a touchdown, chances are at least one of my teams is benefiting and another team is suffering. Three of my teams were active this week and I straight up won 2 of my match ups with the third game (against my dad) ending in a tie. He’s going to be insufferable until I beat him.
UCLA over BYU – Another game I napped through. UCLA’s defense was dominant in the first half and, feeling comforted by defense end Bruce Davis’ incredible performance, I figured it was safe for me to take a catnap. I was right, but only barely as UCLA struggled once again with inconsistent production. Coach Karl Dorrell was fortunate his defense bailed him out during this game.
Not a bad week in football. How did your teams do?
Thursday, September 6
Match Point: Roddick versus Federer
You know you’re out of shape when a couple hours of bowling – bowling! – make your legs feel like they’ve spent the night supporting Kirstie Alley during a fettuccini binge. My soggy butt looks even worse when compared to athletes like Roger Federer and Andy Roddick but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching them compete, especially when they play so very well.
I was able to catch their U.S. Open quarterfinal match earlier in the evening. I don’t watch a lot of men’s tennis – their physical assets are much less impressive than women’s – but Andy Roddick is my favorite tennis player next to Marat Safin (so fiery!) and Roger Federer is… Roger Federer.
My flag was firmly planted in Roddick’s camp when their match started and I wasn’t disappointed.
Roddick was brilliant through the opening two sets. His powerful serve was in top form and even his second serves were effective. Even more impressive perhaps was the early success found through his net play, punctuated with a dizzying array of winners (If it sounds like I know what I’m talking about, it’s only because I used to have a thing for a tennis player).
Roddick played as well as I’ve ever seen him play (four times now), and he probably would have won if his opponent was anyone other than Federer.
Because Federer is the best. In case you hadn’t heard.
I’m not sure what it is about Federer that I don’t like. Tiger Woods shows the same razor-sharp, almost inhuman level of focus but he comes across as being more of a human being than Federer. I guess an $873 billion advertising presence will do that for a guy.
The fact that Tiger and Federer are buddies makes Federer a little more likeable, but something in the way he effortlessly runs down shots and playfully toys with his bangs makes me want to take a racket and shove it in Federer's face so that he’ll sign it but rather than keep it I’ll sell it on eBay because I don’t like him.
What do you guys think about Federer? Will Roddick, or anyone else for that matter, ever have a chance at beating a healthy Federer?
I was able to catch their U.S. Open quarterfinal match earlier in the evening. I don’t watch a lot of men’s tennis – their physical assets are much less impressive than women’s – but Andy Roddick is my favorite tennis player next to Marat Safin (so fiery!) and Roger Federer is… Roger Federer.
My flag was firmly planted in Roddick’s camp when their match started and I wasn’t disappointed.
Roddick was brilliant through the opening two sets. His powerful serve was in top form and even his second serves were effective. Even more impressive perhaps was the early success found through his net play, punctuated with a dizzying array of winners (If it sounds like I know what I’m talking about, it’s only because I used to have a thing for a tennis player).
Roddick played as well as I’ve ever seen him play (four times now), and he probably would have won if his opponent was anyone other than Federer.
Because Federer is the best. In case you hadn’t heard.
I’m not sure what it is about Federer that I don’t like. Tiger Woods shows the same razor-sharp, almost inhuman level of focus but he comes across as being more of a human being than Federer. I guess an $873 billion advertising presence will do that for a guy.
The fact that Tiger and Federer are buddies makes Federer a little more likeable, but something in the way he effortlessly runs down shots and playfully toys with his bangs makes me want to take a racket and shove it in Federer's face so that he’ll sign it but rather than keep it I’ll sell it on eBay because I don’t like him.
What do you guys think about Federer? Will Roddick, or anyone else for that matter, ever have a chance at beating a healthy Federer?
Sunday, September 2
UH Warriors' Season Opener
The University of Hawaii’s opening game tonight against division 1-AA opponent University of Northern Colorado featured some of the most disgruntled fans I’ve ever seen at a 63-6 blowout victory.
If you’re at all familiar with the University of Hawaii Warriors, or “da UH Warriors” as they’re affectionately known to the island folk, then you already know blowout victories are nothing new to one of the most potent offenses in collegiate history or the Heisman hopeful taking snaps under center. Tonight, quarterback Colt Brennan began his campaign for the most coveted award in college football by firing off six touchdown passes and over four hundred yards through the air -- all in the first half.
And yet even with the clinic taking place on the field, my fellow Warrior fans found reasons to complain.
“Oh brah, coach is stupid. He gotta work on the running game. Next time we play good opponents and they watch for the pass, what we do then? We need da running game set up now!”
Ah, my poor, grammar-challenged friend. Obviously your understanding of UH football is as tenuous as your relationship with the English language. Traditional football principles tell us that the run sets up the pass, but the UH system is not traditional. There’s a reason coach June Jones didn’t call a running play until the fourth quarter and it’s the same reason why UH won’t rely on the running game against more formidable opponents. The UH dump pass, in addition to other quick pass routes, are the equivalent of a running game, and also make traditional running plays that much more unexpected and effective when they are finally called.
Idiot.
On a lighter note, I enjoyed a wonderful pee at halftime made only slightly less delightful for the fifty other men trying to mess with my aim. There’s something to be said about peeing into troughs. I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure something should be said about it.
Another footnote to tonight’s game was my seeing the Nancy Kerrigan of college football, University of Northern Colorado kicker Rafael Mendoza. Mitch Cozad, the Tonya Harding in this analogy, stabbed the starting punter (Mendoza) last season in a go-getting, albeit stupid, attempt at moving up the depth chart. Needless to say he was kicked off the team, suspended from school, and didn’t get to start after all. Perhaps he has a future in boxing.
All in all, it was a good start for the Warriors.
If you’re at all familiar with the University of Hawaii Warriors, or “da UH Warriors” as they’re affectionately known to the island folk, then you already know blowout victories are nothing new to one of the most potent offenses in collegiate history or the Heisman hopeful taking snaps under center. Tonight, quarterback Colt Brennan began his campaign for the most coveted award in college football by firing off six touchdown passes and over four hundred yards through the air -- all in the first half.
And yet even with the clinic taking place on the field, my fellow Warrior fans found reasons to complain.
“Oh brah, coach is stupid. He gotta work on the running game. Next time we play good opponents and they watch for the pass, what we do then? We need da running game set up now!”
Ah, my poor, grammar-challenged friend. Obviously your understanding of UH football is as tenuous as your relationship with the English language. Traditional football principles tell us that the run sets up the pass, but the UH system is not traditional. There’s a reason coach June Jones didn’t call a running play until the fourth quarter and it’s the same reason why UH won’t rely on the running game against more formidable opponents. The UH dump pass, in addition to other quick pass routes, are the equivalent of a running game, and also make traditional running plays that much more unexpected and effective when they are finally called.
Idiot.
On a lighter note, I enjoyed a wonderful pee at halftime made only slightly less delightful for the fifty other men trying to mess with my aim. There’s something to be said about peeing into troughs. I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure something should be said about it.
Another footnote to tonight’s game was my seeing the Nancy Kerrigan of college football, University of Northern Colorado kicker Rafael Mendoza. Mitch Cozad, the Tonya Harding in this analogy, stabbed the starting punter (Mendoza) last season in a go-getting, albeit stupid, attempt at moving up the depth chart. Needless to say he was kicked off the team, suspended from school, and didn’t get to start after all. Perhaps he has a future in boxing.
All in all, it was a good start for the Warriors.
Welcome to The Athlete's Footnotes
Books are my first love and movies the second (my affection is promiscuous) but sports also hold a special place in my lecherous heart. My movie thoughts go into The Spoon, but The Athlete's Footnotes is the new home for my ramblings and rants on all the sports I love to watch and play.
I won't be updating here nearly as often as at The Spoon (remember, movies are the second concubine in my harem of interests), but there should still be plenty of fat here to chew on. This site is as much for my entertainment as yours but I always, always appreciate a good discussion so feel free to comment whenever you feel so inclined.
Welcome to The Athlete's Footnotes and don't mind the smell.
I won't be updating here nearly as often as at The Spoon (remember, movies are the second concubine in my harem of interests), but there should still be plenty of fat here to chew on. This site is as much for my entertainment as yours but I always, always appreciate a good discussion so feel free to comment whenever you feel so inclined.
Welcome to The Athlete's Footnotes and don't mind the smell.
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